My Flaw...,
I am not perfect.

I have never claimed to be. In truth I think I am the black sheep of the family when it comes to the flaw that sent me to selfish tears the other day. Truly my sister, and really most of the people I know, is much better than I.

On my facebook photo page is a picture of me that is not so flattering. I am selfish, and it really bothers me to see it there; that others will see it there.

All my life I have been told by anybody not directly related to me that I am quite ugly, sometimes very hatefully, but usually it was just a fact from those around me feeling the need to express their opinions. Okay. I have learned to deal with the fact that I am not a celestial beauty on the outside.

So, my flaw is that now I want to moderate what gets around. If people must post a picture on their site, I would prefer that they do not name me as the hag next to them. When I let people(on the very rare occasion) see me, I want 'my best foot forward' out there. Gut sucked in, makeup done nice, flattering outfit, hair brushed and not thrown in a rag, etc., to name a few of the things I like to do before being seen by the judgmental masses.

To have to come to my site one day and see the horrendous creature that claims she is me posted there, I was in tears. The beast people have commented on my whole life is there in her worst state to wreak havoc on all those poor eyes that have the misfortune of beholding her.

I call my sister straightway to have it removed(vowing to keep my cool in my pleading, and insane, request), only to buckle into the torrent that wouldn't stay away at her refusal. She said the profound 'why does it matter what other people think?', but finally succumbed to the embarrassing flood of sobs from the other end of the phone line.

Indeed, I thought immediately, awed by her amazing indifference, 'why does it matter?'. I had no answer for her, only that it did. It really really mattered that the worst of the beast not be seen.

I know for a fact that most of my wonderful family have no discrepancies with pictures being posted about them not at their best. I am awed and amazed and have high respect for them. I wish, desperately wish, that I could be as nonchalant as they. That it wouldn't matter to me to be seen with that weird expression. I am envious, too. Another flaw I own up to. Indeed it would be much easier not to care, to be so sure of myself that it didn't matter what others think.

But I do care... and indeed, stupidly worry.

Thank you wonderful sister for respecting my sad, pathetic plea. I respect you, and think very highly of you for rising above what others pettily think. I warmly salute your awesomeness.

Everyone else, I am sorry for the beast on my wall. I am much prettier on the inside; if a little unsure of myself.

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