Epiphanies are not always good.
Indeed, sometimes they may come as a shock to some. Especially when one is forced to realize that a relationship with a friend wasn't as close as they thought it was. A friend they thought would be there when things got tough. A friend they were there for when things got tough for them.
To find out that my friend never saw me as the close friend I thought they were, was a little hurtful. Especially for them to come out and say it the way they did: 'I didn't think we were that close.'
And no, she doesn't want to fix that, nor thinks that our relationship needs to be that close.
Ouch.
Well even if we are not, I will still be there for her. I will still help in emergencies, be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on, and help out when she is low on her luck; as I have done in the past. She will still have me around until she makes it clear she doesn't want me; she hasn't yet, and the phone calls with her on the other line keep coming. Maybe I will give her a break until she starts missing me. I'm lovable. She'll miss me.
Perhaps I am too passive. Or I care too much. I prefer the last. And, honestly, who wouldn't choose to believe better of themselves.
Well. If you are my friend that is not really my friend, know that I, at least, love you. I'm weird like that. I care too much; about you. *shrugs*
..........
A poem I read years ago, titled "Be that Friend". Do not recall the author, but I've tried to live my life as the poem says....be that friend you wished you had. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. We do not collect friends, we earn friends and they leave footprints on our hearts and threads in our lives. We do not own our friends, we only take pleasure in the way they touch our lives. So your friend has passed into and out of your life and she has left a lesson for you. Gain, grow and move on. There are better things "up around the river bend".
ReplyDeleteThe feelings generated by this experience will enrich your writing skill.
I is interesting how people see their world. Something I was sure of, was not what I thought it was. She still comes to me for help, and spends hours with me on the phone, or at my house.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised she doesn't see how close we really are. I love her, though, and I won't go away unless she wants me to. I think she needs someone more than she is admitting to. I can be here, if distant as she seems to want.
So strange how a flower can be purple to one, and ice blue to another. I love different outlooks, but this one wasn't as fun to see the other side. The grass was certainly greener in my eyes.