I just saw a post about how you should look for ways to 'volunteer' to your friends. It hit a nerve.

Friendship should never be forced. To feel like you are volunteering to help someone you call a 'friend' is far outside my way of thinking. Friends are there for each other because of the love they have in their heart for you. And you for them. Friendship should not be contingent on how well you help them.

So a friend needs someone to bring them the spare set of keys at three in the morning because they accidentally locked theirs in the car in that dark parking lot. After doing this several times I can still honestly say that the poor person is still very much my friend. It wasn't service to rescue them, it was a need to make sure they were okay. You should care for a friend so much that you don't see their trivial mistakes before you see how much pain they're in at that time. You should not be tallying what it is costing you by having to drag yourself out of bed at that ungodly hour, but succoring them in their plight.

I have actually never thought of helping friends as volunteering. I was merely attending to an acquaintance in their hours of need. We all have times that need outside help, whether we ask for help or not things happen that are sometimes out of our control.

And a true friend should never think of helping as performing some sort of divine service. This is not a game to see which one of you are the better friend. Tally marks will just create awful angst toward the person you are calling friend. When people do that, one of two things happens; either they feel bitter resentment in all that they have done more for their friend and not received in return, or they feel like they owe their friend more than they can give sometimes and end up feeling inferior in what should be a harmonious and wonderfully balanced relationship. Neither are healthy things to be thinking or feeling.

Friends do need help. People need people. That is how life is, that is how God intended it to be. Whether you believe god is a supreme being or a chance of nature, there is a reason there is not just you on this earth. Having others around gives you a chance to grow and become a better person. Whether it is seeing that perhaps you are the more helpful or the one that needs more you can become better. Keep helping and stop keeping track, or start helping back. Find ways to be the friend that you weren't in the past.

Remember this is not a race. It is a way to truly have a relationship beyond mere acquaintance. I can assure you, it is a nice feeling to know that you can be depended on to help when things get rough. And the better friend you are, though you shouldn't be a friend for this, but it is very true, the better friends you will have in return. People do return the favor better when you reach out to them with unjudging and truly pure, open arms.

Stop giving volunteer work to those you call friends and start giving your heart. Better friends come with better intentions.

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