And the dance begins again....

I am utterly fascinated with my book. So strange it seems to me that my writing in it can be so great when my blogs and short stories seem so dull and droll to me. The storyline is delightful and engaging and captivates my attention no matter where I pick it up again.

Though I admit that after months of nit picking and doing my best to make it better I thought the story lagged after a bit. Now, coming back after a month and a half sabbatical, I find it just as riveting as when I first wrote it. Fresh eyes and a very forgetful memory truly help bring out the colors that had faded after such long scrutiny.

Well, we all know I like my book.

What surprises me is that I made money off some of my lesser quality work. I wonder why someone would pay to read my basement story. I with mixed feelings say that it is the first of three that got published. I was even paid for it. Happy to be paid, sad that it was not my best work.

I guess my biggest qualm is that agents do not read any of the book an author is trying to sell these days. They expect to be riveted after a two paragraph tease. These only pan out to be best sellers about five percent of the time. And half of the best sellers are not the money makers that they wanted them to be and are never reprinted.

With such a gamble in the market I wonder how they make a living that way. And how many wonderful books they are passing up because, while a writer can spin a story, condensing it into two paragraphs is not always as easy as spinning a world of fantasy. There is so much more I want to say than will fit in the required query.

Sorry. I am sure you've heard this before from me, but it really makes me upset to know that I have so much to give and no way to give it. I need one of those interns to read my book and beg their boss for me. I heard those interns are pretty smart! Some know a best seller better than the people they work for.

Maybe it's those fresh eyes again.

Or maybe its because they have the time to dive into the incredible pages that were sent to the slush pile. Stephanie Meyers was discovered by an intern, and look at her now. She has her third book in production and her second will be in theaters soon.

Sigh. I believe I have the storytelling gene that makes a great book, yet I know I lack a masters or any degree in literature.

Though in my defense the best story tellers were awful writers. And yes, that thought does make me feel better when I'm very far down.

What really gets me is that I know I have a great book. I have been reading novels since I was five years old and started Nancy Drew in kindergarten. I have graduated to more advanced books as I grew and still love to delve into the minds of fascinating characters. I know what a good book should look like. It is part of who I am to know this. And this first book is one I would read (and do!) over and over again.

Yes. My book is a solid book and does not lack. I like that about a book. It is also long. I love it even more when a great story isn't cut short. It is fun to follow around a great character and know you have plenty of time to enjoy their adventures before getting cut off from them. It is unsettling when a character is half etched or a story rushed. I want to savor the story, but can't help gobbling them up in eager anticipation of what happens next. Long books let me bask longer in worlds of wonder. I want to bask longer.

Which brings me back to these short stories. Boring. They are boring and lack so much more than proper grammar and structure. Yet they sell because people will read something short before something long. It is easy to condense a few thousand words, but a few hundred thousand?

Granted mine is not over one eighty five, but at one eighty four sixty two, it is quite an intimidating number for the first book in a series. Harry Potter book four size equates pretty well.

All the research to write the book and then to query an agent properly fills my day. My head swims with all the information that easily seeps out through the gaps I've been unable to stop up. I have taken a break for a while, but it is time to get back up on the horse and start this trek all over again. Sigh. I am intimidated and frustrated before I've even started.

So I start this tete a tete with ill feeling and unrequited, perhaps silly, hope. Maybe this will be the charm, though I am far past three rejections at this point.

And so the dance begins again. I pray I will not trip up this time as I search for a partner to bring this tale to the shelves, and then in further hopes, your homes and minds.

Wish me luck!

........................